“The Lord was with Joseph and he became a successful man.”
“… the Lord was with him and the Lord caused all that he did to succeed in his hands…”
“But the Lord was with Joseph and showed him steadfast love and gave him favor…”
“… because the Lord was with him. And whatever he did, the Lord made it succeed.”
When read this passage earlier this week, these words struck me, because I wanted badly what Joseph had. Not his nearness to God, but the success and gifts that followed.
Says so much about the state of my heart, right?
So I prayed that I would want God more than His gifts. That I would want Him at all again. That I would be broken again.
And then I fell asleep.
While I was praying Thursday night, these words came back to me: The Lord was with Joseph… The Lord was with Joseph…
and then they came alive.
The Lord was with Joseph…
The Lord was with Tara…
The Lord was with me…
The Lord is with me.
And the voice just kept whispering over and over. I am with you. His presence was so real and it wrapped me up in a way that I hadn’t felt in a while. In His grace, He showed me how near He truly is. He is HERE.
If anyone is on tumblr procrastinating for finals like I am, let me tell you something.
GOD IS WITH YOU.
In the midst of all your assignments and stress and uncertainties, the Lord is WITH you. It doesn’t matter whether or not we have all the success and gifts that Joseph had, because like Joseph, we have the ultimate gift. We have access God HIMSELF through the gift of His Son. What a crazy, undeserved gift. In seasons of dryness, what an awesome reminder of His love and nearness to me. In QTs that seem pointless, in prayers that seem empty, and in life that becomes overwhelming, He is still present and working- even in seasons of dryness. Press on, because the Lord is with you!
… And here I was starting to think the OT was like sunday school bedtime stories. HAH!
For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul spirit, joints and marrow it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.
This time freshman year, I hated going to church.
As a senior, Sunday mornings bring me so much joy and rejuvenation.
And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.
God, can you redeem Monday’s too?
I still hate those.
I never thought I would be the one to say this, but…
I’m afraid of commitment.
Recently I’ve been struggling to commit to making any kind of decision about my future, more specifically in the field of social work. I’m in this in-between, because even searching for schools and applying means that I have made a decision about taking this path. Working in this field has been heavy on my heart for the past couple of months. It’s crazy because I never even considered this field until the end of last semester.
All these thoughts run through my mind. What if it’s not really my calling? What if I don’t get into grad school? What if I go and there are no doors? What if I’m meant to be a counselor or a teacher, not a social worker? What if? What if?
A conversation I had with a sister really struck me this weekend. Sometimes it’s not always about the outcome. It’s not about the end result, but the process of getting there.
I guess the better question to ask myself rather than What if I don’t succeed? is… Am I walking with God through this? The end is never really guaranteed. If everything is taken from me after I reach my goal will it still have been worth it?
I get so caught up in thinking that I need to get this degree or this job in order to serve God in this world. But what is the point in serving Him if I don’t know and love the God I am serving? Yes, he uses these things to do His kingdom work, but am I walking with Him toward this goal? Am I enjoying His presence? Am I trusting in Him that He will accomplish His will in my life, whatever that looks like?
Then I realize that this fear of commitment comes from a fear of failure. Failing to live out my calling. Failing the people I love, failing God.
oh you of little faith.
& so He reminds me through scripture…
You are my beloved daughter and princess. 1 John 3:1
I don’t need you to DO anything for me, I just want you to love me and enjoy my presence. Luke 38:41-42
Your worth is given to you through what I have ALREADY done. Ephesians 2:8
I know your future, calm yoself. Jeremiah 29:11
I love you. Romans 8:39
So with a new heart I start my search for grad schools.
I have joined the dark side…
If my future kids are anything like me…
I hope for all our sakes that their daddy is a
The more I look at my heart, the more I want to look away. God is continuing to uncover the filth in me and He is bringing it to light. But it’s been good.
Kind of like a cavity.
If you don’t know that it’s there, it slowly rots away in the back of your mouth. Sometimes it’s so far gone by the time you find it, you can’t save it. I hate going to the dentist but it’s better to go before I need dentures, ya know?
Praise God! In His rebuke, He is not discouraging me, but allowing me to see all that junk that is being taken out of my heart.
Kind of like popping a pimple.
There’s a weird satisfaction knowing that all that gunk is no longer on yo face.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
“We shouldn’t seek experiences, but we should seek God in Christ. But what we should come away with is this: There is a Christianity out there, there is a God out there waiting to be called upon. And to be BOLDLY pursued. And out of such boldness, He takes a great deal of delight. It’s just like sometimes it’s almost like He looks down at the angels and says, ‘Here comes the wild man again.’ Such a wildness. God delights in that.”
— Paul Washer
13 But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. 14 For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility 15 by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, 16 and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility. 17 And he came and preached peace to you who were far off and peace to those who were near. 18 For through him we both have access in one Spirit to the Father. 19 So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, 20 built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone, 21 in whom the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord. 22 In him you also are being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit.
Crajee how this passage keeps coming up these past few months. So blessed by the reminders of God’s faithfulness through community.
God, thank you for the blood of Christ that covers us all. Thank you for bringing us together in this common unity to run this race with other brothers and sisters. Thank you for allowing us to be a family under Your name.
"It means you’ve walked to the altar; you’ve walked down to the altar to meet Jesus. And, you know you can meet him anywhere, but that’s that sawdust trail that people talk about. And, for some people this is all the religious feeding they get. I mean when they leave this place, they may not go back to church for six months. So, if you can get these little children right now and get that sawdust in their shoes and socks and in their bed, then they will want to come back, because it might be all that they have.”
It makes me so sad how Christianity often becomes reduced to rituals and objects. When experiences and things become worshipped, rather than its Creator, no wonder why people don’t find any worth in going to church.. mehh. Reflections from my anth of religion class…